Cabin In The Woods

Directed By: Drew Goddard

Starring: Kristen Connolly & Fran Kranz

Cabin in the Woods tells the story of five college kids(!) that head to a vacation cabin to do some partying. Shortly after they arrive, monsters start to show up and attack them.

To say anymore about Cabin in the Woods’ story may give it away. However, Cabin in the Woods is not just one of the smartest horror movies I have ever seen, but one of the smartest movies I have ever seen as well as the most fun.

It genuinely made me laugh, creep me out on a couple of occasions, and made me fall deeper in love with the genre. I left the theater immediately wanting to see it again.

9 out of 10
Trailer for Cabin in the Woods:

Shame

Directed by: Steve McQueen

Starring: Michael Fassbender & Carry Mulligan

Shame tells the story of Brandon, a successful New York business man that has an addiction to sex. When his little sister, Sissy, moves in with him, his world is turned upside down.

Shame is a stinging portrayal of addiction. It is graphic at times, but it does a great job of not always showing you what is happening and letting your imagination work.

With so many addictions out there, Shame suggests that you have to hit rock bottom before you can overcome your addiction.

8 out of 10
Trailer for Shame:

Chronicle

Directed By: Josh Trank

Starring: Dane DeHaan & Alex Russell

Chronicle is a found footage movie that tells the story of three teenagers that gain incredible superpowers after being exposed to something they find in a hole.

Being PG – 13 and labeled as a superhero movie, I was surprised at how high the stakes were in Chronicle. There is even a body count in it. A small one, but a body count nonetheless.

I don’t think I would label it a superhero movie because there is nobody running around in tights and there are no villains, unless you count everyday real life struggles.

Chronicle felt fresh to me because we didn’t see these kids turn into crime fighters; instead their actions seem like stuff I would engage in if I had such powers.

I feel as if Chronicle would have functioned better if it wasn’t a found footage movie, but maybe the filmmakers decided to take that route due to budget constraints. Either way, Chronicle is a remarkable entry into the found footage and superhero genres.

8 out of 10
Trailer for Chronicle:

The Human Centipede 2

Directed By: Tom Six

Starring: Laurence R. Harvey & Maddi Black

The Human Centipede 2 tells the story of Martin, a developmentally disabled man that is so obsessed with the original Human Centipede movie that he wants to create a 12 person human centipede in “real life.”

Being a fan of horror, hard gore, and exploitation movies, The Human Centipede 2 was one of the most confusing movies I have ever seen. I didn’t like it, but it delivered exactly what it promised in terms of shock value. Of course the ante has to be bigger in a sequel.

I would consider The Human Centipede 2 to be as shocking as Cannibal Holocaust, but I was able to find meaning in Cannibal Holocaust. With The Human Centipede 2, I just don’t know.

5 out of 10
Trailer for The Human Centipede 2:

The Dead

Directed By: The Ford Brothers

Starring: Rob Freeman & Prince David Oseia

In Africa, a war has broken out causing American soldiers and doctors to be over there. When a zombie outbreak occurs, the war stops and most people try to leave. One man, Brian, is not so lucky when his plane crashes after just taking off. Brian soon meets up with Daniel, whose son is missing. They team up in hopes to find Daniel’s son and a plane to leave the continent.

The first half hour is absolutely stellar in The Dead. It is fast paced, suspense filled, and I dare to say original in the opening scene. The Dead reminded me of Lucio Fulci’s Zombie because of its African setting.

Unfortunately, the filmmakers must have lost their creative juices because the last hour is soo slow. The movie also suffers from having the characters make poor choices and some of their outcomes to be disappointing.

Ultimately, The Dead is just forgettable zombie movie junk that had potential.

4 out of 10
Trailer for The Dead:

The Misfits - The Devil's Rain

Released By: Misfits Records

I have ready plenty of reviews that bash this album, specifically because Danzig has nothing to do with it. Well you know what, current Danzig material sucks, so big deal if a new Misfits album sucks. It’s just an old man (Jerry Only) holding on to something that must be special to him. But that opinion aside, I will still buy whatever future release Danzig and Co. or Only will put out.

1. The Devil’s Rain – An incredibly slow track to start an album off with, specifically an album by a “punk” band. This title track is named from a 1975 William Shatner movie of the same name, a bad idea in its own. The hook is slightly catchy and the sample of a rain storm sounds pretty cool. What’s better than this song is the cover art that depicts this song. A fiend bringing down rain as it melts people’s faces off. Rating – 4 out of 10

2. Vivid Red – This song comes in one song too late it, as it is a much welcomed faster paced song about a scene from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. This song scores points for being about a horror movie and having a fairly good hook and some woahs! Rating – 6 out of 10

3. Land of the Dead – Who would have thought Only actually watches horror movies? The lyrics are actually about the movie, which is something I want to give props to, but Only actually manages to drive the hook into the ground and sounds like a jackass. Rating - 5 out of 10

4. The Black Hole – A faster paced song that sounds very similar to Nim Vind’s doo wop horror punk sound. A great hook makes this my favorite track on the album. Rating - 8 out 10

5. Twilight of the Dead – One “of the dead” title tracks is enough even for a horror punk band and Only’s woahs sound like crap in this song. And there is a solo in this song. Another terrible idea Mr. Only. Rating - 3 out of 10

6. Curse of the Mummy’s Hand – This song is soo long and drawn out. It’s like the hook is never going to come. However, the hook isn’t that bad, but the hook can’t save this song. Oh, and another solo. Rating - 4 out of 10

7. Cold In Hell – The music in this song is fun and upbeat. The repetitiveness of the lyrics makes this song almost easy to get stuck in your head. Rating - 6 out of 10

8. Unexplained – Such a long and unnecessary intro and it’s another song about being lost in space. A crappy and lazy hook makes this song easily skip able. Rating - 1 out of 10

9. Dark Shadows – This song is almost the bullet to this gang of zombies because as soon as this song starts I’m thinking about just turning this album off. The verses are just ok. Rating - 2 out of 10

10. Father – The album begins to show signs of life (maybe that’s a bad thing for a horror punk band) with this song that sounds like a crap 80s metal song. The lyrics shine here as they are about a man questioning his father if he is a vampire or not. The lyrics remind of George A. Romero’s excellent vampire movie Martin about a teenager that believes he may be a vampire even though he doesn’t have any vampire characteristics. Rating - 7 out of 10

11. Jack The Ripper – Thankfully Jerry decides to take a break on vocals and ‘ol Dez sings this song. It’s a fast paced song with a stupid hook (“where you gonna go? What cha gonna go?) that still manages to be catchy. Rating – 6 out of 10

12. Monkey’s Paw – A slower paced song that works well with Only’s vocals. The hook is just whatevs. Rating – 4 out of 10

13. Where Do They Go? – This song has a good idea; it’s about girls that go missing in Mexico. But the music sucks, Only’s vocals suck, and to top it off, Only’s wife and daughter sing on this song. Such a stupid song idea makes this the worst track on the album. Rating - 0 out of 10

14. Sleepwalkin’ – Again, not bad lyrics, but bad music and Only’s vocals again make for a crap track that kind of picks up towards the end. Rating 1 out of 10

15. Ghost of Frankenstein – This song starts off with some old sounding violin that puts me into mind of a silent monster movie. Then the song starts pretty hard, probably the hardest track on the album. Then Only starts to grunt and growl, I am assuming to sound like Frankenstein’s monster, but really it just sounds stupid. The hook is ok making this one of the better tracks on the album. Rating – 7 out of 10

16. Death Ray – Interesting enough, Dez closes the album with a fast paced song, an ok hook, and cool samples of what sounds like UFOs attacking something. Rating – 6 out of 10

Obviously neither Danzig nor Graves is coming back to the Fits, so taking this album as it is, I guess it’s cool. I was surprised by how fast I took to some of the songs.

Overall Rating – 4 out of 10

God Of War 3

Developed By: Santa Monica Studio

Playable On: Playstation 3

God of War 3 is an action/adventure platformer that is the final chapter in the story of Kratos, the God of War, who is looking to destroy Olympus and kill the all mighty Zeus.

I LOVE how “M-Rated” this game is. I think I was actually a little shocked at some of the violence and gore that can be found in GoW 3, simply because I don’t think I have ever seen violence portrayed like this in a video game. I don’t know how other players felt, but all the violence made me feel like a badass. Whether I was cutting somebody’s legs off, gouging someone’s eyes out, or ripping somebody’s head off, I was behind Kratos’ actions 100% and took pleasure in it. What made the violence even better was the gameplay that revolved around cinematic gameplay, in which you had to press a button or move a analog stick at a specific time to cause an action, like slicing open a minotaur’s belly to see all of it’s intestines spew out by rotating the left analog stick.

I never thought I would see a three way lesbian set piece in a video game, but there is one in GoW 3, and the mini sex game that ensues is mildly silly the first time played.

I really don’t think the “epicness” that is portrayed in GoW 3 can be described in words and do it justice. There are levels that are giant monsters, in GoW 3’s case, titans, that you are walking on that you have to kill (another thing that made me feel like a badass). I think it is insane that the PS3 possesses the power to create such grand stages that graphically look tremendous and the gameplay and frame rate never drops or lags. I think the game really just has to be played to truly understand the “jaw dropping” factor that GoW 3 contains.

Another faucet of excellent gameplay that can be found in GoW 3 are the puzzles that have to be solved. The puzzles were never frustrating, but they were hard enough to be gratifying after they were solved.

If I had to nit pick, there is really only one thing that I can find wrong about this game and it revolves around the Rage Meter. The Rage Meter is filled by simply killing enemies. After the meter is filled, Kratos can go into Rage mode in which he is stronger and moves faster. The reason I had a problem with it was because to go into Rage mode you have to press in both analog sticks. You move with the left analog stick and I was constantly accidently tapping the right analog stick and going into Rage mode. Rage mode can be a tide turner in a fight if you are surrounded by enemies and/or low on health, but I rarely had it because I would constantly set it off by accident when I didn’t need it.

In most games, after you kill the final boss, the game ends. But not in GoW 3, you get a little more gameplay after the final boss and GoW 3 delivers one of the best endings I have ever seen in a video game. I think GoW 3 is one of the best action/adventure platformer games I have ever played.

10 Out of 10
Trailer for God of War 3: