V/H/S

Directed By: David Bruckner, Glenn McQuaid, Joe Swanberg, Ti West, Adam Wingard, and Radio Silence.

V/H/S is a POV horror anthology that tells the story of several guys that are hired to break into a house and steal a VHS tape. Not knowing which tape they are to take, they begin watching different videos and those are the segments the audience gets to see.

The entire movie is made to look like it was shot on video, which doesn’t only look cool, but is also a sweet throwback to the 80s and 90s horror video rental boom.

I thought having a wrap around story was pretty tight. Instead of just having a host, the wrap around story acted as another segment, making it a total of six(!) segments in this horror anthology.

The first segment “Amateur Night” tells the story of three super bro douche bags that have gotten their hands on a pair of glasses that has a super small spy camera on it. Their plan: Go to bars, pick up girls, take them back to their hotel, fuck them, and film it. However, one of the girls they pick up is much more than they bargain for. For two, three seconds of this segment, I felt the same astonishment that I felt the first time I saw Cloverfield. “Amateur Night” is one of two of my favorite segments in V/H/S.

The second segment “Second Honeymoon” tells the story of a couple who has their road trip cut short after a visitor shows up one night at their hotel. Directed by Ti West, “Second Honeymoon” is very well made, but it sort of takes it’s time. I found it creepy during my first viewing, but during my second viewing, I was eager for this segment to end.

The third segment “Tuesday the 17th” tells the story of four kids that head into the forrest to do some swimming, drugs, and fucking. Sound familiar? Than you won’t be too surprised whenever I tell you that a homicidal maniac shows up. But what makes this homicidal maniac different from other homicidal maniacs is that he or she is an electronic disturbance. The best way I can describe the killer is by telling you to put a ringing cellphone next to a turned on television. That interference is what this killer is made of. So whenever he or she is next to the camera it looks like the camera is just going to short out. There’s kind of a bullshit back story with one of the kids and the killer but the killer was creepy enough and the kills were cool enough to make this segment one of my favorites.

The fourth segment “The Strange Thing that Happened to Emily” takes place entirely over a Skype like service. Emily and her boyfriend are in a long distance relationship and Emily believes her apartment is haunted, so whenever creepy shit starts going on in the apartment, Emily calls her boyfriend so he can see the ghosts over his computer. I feel like I am being nit picky, but this is one segment that could have used some back story. I understand that this is only a 10, 15 minute segment, but whenever the twist was revealed, my only thought was what the fuck? The kookiness of this segment made it one of my least favorite segments.

The fifth segment, “10/31/98” is the second of my two favorite segments. “10/31/98” tells the story of four dudes that are going to a costumed Halloween party. When these dudes witness a SATANIC SACRAFICE, they have to decide if it is just a Halloween gag or not. I would describe this segment as a roller coaster with plenty of twist, turns, and laughs. CAST HIM DOWN CAST HIM DOWN CAST HIM DOWN

And finally the wrap around story “Tape 56.” Do these guys ever find the tape they are looking for? Are they alone in the house? Is one of the dudes filming over a tape that has another member of the group having sex with his girlfriend? We may not get all the answers that we want, but like I stated earlier in my review, having a wrap around story is much cooler than just having a host introduce each segment.

V/H/S is most def one of my favorite movies of the 2012.

At the time of this writing, you can watch V/H/S on VOD and it is in theaters October 5, 2012. Check this shit out!!!

7 out of 10
Trailer for V/H/S:

Cabin In The Woods

Directed By: Drew Goddard

Starring: Kristen Connolly & Fran Kranz

Cabin in the Woods tells the story of five college kids(!) that head to a vacation cabin to do some partying. Shortly after they arrive, monsters start to show up and attack them.

To say anymore about Cabin in the Woods’ story may give it away. However, Cabin in the Woods is not just one of the smartest horror movies I have ever seen, but one of the smartest movies I have ever seen as well as the most fun.

It genuinely made me laugh, creep me out on a couple of occasions, and made me fall deeper in love with the genre. I left the theater immediately wanting to see it again.

9 out of 10
Trailer for Cabin in the Woods:

Shame

Directed by: Steve McQueen

Starring: Michael Fassbender & Carry Mulligan

Shame tells the story of Brandon, a successful New York business man that has an addiction to sex. When his little sister, Sissy, moves in with him, his world is turned upside down.

Shame is a stinging portrayal of addiction. It is graphic at times, but it does a great job of not always showing you what is happening and letting your imagination work.

With so many addictions out there, Shame suggests that you have to hit rock bottom before you can overcome your addiction.

8 out of 10
Trailer for Shame:

Chronicle

Directed By: Josh Trank

Starring: Dane DeHaan & Alex Russell

Chronicle is a found footage movie that tells the story of three teenagers that gain incredible superpowers after being exposed to something they find in a hole.

Being PG – 13 and labeled as a superhero movie, I was surprised at how high the stakes were in Chronicle. There is even a body count in it. A small one, but a body count nonetheless.

I don’t think I would label it a superhero movie because there is nobody running around in tights and there are no villains, unless you count everyday real life struggles.

Chronicle felt fresh to me because we didn’t see these kids turn into crime fighters; instead their actions seem like stuff I would engage in if I had such powers.

I feel as if Chronicle would have functioned better if it wasn’t a found footage movie, but maybe the filmmakers decided to take that route due to budget constraints. Either way, Chronicle is a remarkable entry into the found footage and superhero genres.

8 out of 10
Trailer for Chronicle:

The Human Centipede 2

Directed By: Tom Six

Starring: Laurence R. Harvey & Maddi Black

The Human Centipede 2 tells the story of Martin, a developmentally disabled man that is so obsessed with the original Human Centipede movie that he wants to create a 12 person human centipede in “real life.”

Being a fan of horror, hard gore, and exploitation movies, The Human Centipede 2 was one of the most confusing movies I have ever seen. I didn’t like it, but it delivered exactly what it promised in terms of shock value. Of course the ante has to be bigger in a sequel.

I would consider The Human Centipede 2 to be as shocking as Cannibal Holocaust, but I was able to find meaning in Cannibal Holocaust. With The Human Centipede 2, I just don’t know.

5 out of 10
Trailer for The Human Centipede 2:

The Dead

Directed By: The Ford Brothers

Starring: Rob Freeman & Prince David Oseia

In Africa, a war has broken out causing American soldiers and doctors to be over there. When a zombie outbreak occurs, the war stops and most people try to leave. One man, Brian, is not so lucky when his plane crashes after just taking off. Brian soon meets up with Daniel, whose son is missing. They team up in hopes to find Daniel’s son and a plane to leave the continent.

The first half hour is absolutely stellar in The Dead. It is fast paced, suspense filled, and I dare to say original in the opening scene. The Dead reminded me of Lucio Fulci’s Zombie because of its African setting.

Unfortunately, the filmmakers must have lost their creative juices because the last hour is soo slow. The movie also suffers from having the characters make poor choices and some of their outcomes to be disappointing.

Ultimately, The Dead is just forgettable zombie movie junk that had potential.

4 out of 10
Trailer for The Dead:

The Misfits - The Devil's Rain

Released By: Misfits Records

I have ready plenty of reviews that bash this album, specifically because Danzig has nothing to do with it. Well you know what, current Danzig material sucks, so big deal if a new Misfits album sucks. It’s just an old man (Jerry Only) holding on to something that must be special to him. But that opinion aside, I will still buy whatever future release Danzig and Co. or Only will put out.

1. The Devil’s Rain – An incredibly slow track to start an album off with, specifically an album by a “punk” band. This title track is named from a 1975 William Shatner movie of the same name, a bad idea in its own. The hook is slightly catchy and the sample of a rain storm sounds pretty cool. What’s better than this song is the cover art that depicts this song. A fiend bringing down rain as it melts people’s faces off. Rating – 4 out of 10

2. Vivid Red – This song comes in one song too late it, as it is a much welcomed faster paced song about a scene from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. This song scores points for being about a horror movie and having a fairly good hook and some woahs! Rating – 6 out of 10

3. Land of the Dead – Who would have thought Only actually watches horror movies? The lyrics are actually about the movie, which is something I want to give props to, but Only actually manages to drive the hook into the ground and sounds like a jackass. Rating - 5 out of 10

4. The Black Hole – A faster paced song that sounds very similar to Nim Vind’s doo wop horror punk sound. A great hook makes this my favorite track on the album. Rating - 8 out 10

5. Twilight of the Dead – One “of the dead” title tracks is enough even for a horror punk band and Only’s woahs sound like crap in this song. And there is a solo in this song. Another terrible idea Mr. Only. Rating - 3 out of 10

6. Curse of the Mummy’s Hand – This song is soo long and drawn out. It’s like the hook is never going to come. However, the hook isn’t that bad, but the hook can’t save this song. Oh, and another solo. Rating - 4 out of 10

7. Cold In Hell – The music in this song is fun and upbeat. The repetitiveness of the lyrics makes this song almost easy to get stuck in your head. Rating - 6 out of 10

8. Unexplained – Such a long and unnecessary intro and it’s another song about being lost in space. A crappy and lazy hook makes this song easily skip able. Rating - 1 out of 10

9. Dark Shadows – This song is almost the bullet to this gang of zombies because as soon as this song starts I’m thinking about just turning this album off. The verses are just ok. Rating - 2 out of 10

10. Father – The album begins to show signs of life (maybe that’s a bad thing for a horror punk band) with this song that sounds like a crap 80s metal song. The lyrics shine here as they are about a man questioning his father if he is a vampire or not. The lyrics remind of George A. Romero’s excellent vampire movie Martin about a teenager that believes he may be a vampire even though he doesn’t have any vampire characteristics. Rating - 7 out of 10

11. Jack The Ripper – Thankfully Jerry decides to take a break on vocals and ‘ol Dez sings this song. It’s a fast paced song with a stupid hook (“where you gonna go? What cha gonna go?) that still manages to be catchy. Rating – 6 out of 10

12. Monkey’s Paw – A slower paced song that works well with Only’s vocals. The hook is just whatevs. Rating – 4 out of 10

13. Where Do They Go? – This song has a good idea; it’s about girls that go missing in Mexico. But the music sucks, Only’s vocals suck, and to top it off, Only’s wife and daughter sing on this song. Such a stupid song idea makes this the worst track on the album. Rating - 0 out of 10

14. Sleepwalkin’ – Again, not bad lyrics, but bad music and Only’s vocals again make for a crap track that kind of picks up towards the end. Rating 1 out of 10

15. Ghost of Frankenstein – This song starts off with some old sounding violin that puts me into mind of a silent monster movie. Then the song starts pretty hard, probably the hardest track on the album. Then Only starts to grunt and growl, I am assuming to sound like Frankenstein’s monster, but really it just sounds stupid. The hook is ok making this one of the better tracks on the album. Rating – 7 out of 10

16. Death Ray – Interesting enough, Dez closes the album with a fast paced song, an ok hook, and cool samples of what sounds like UFOs attacking something. Rating – 6 out of 10

Obviously neither Danzig nor Graves is coming back to the Fits, so taking this album as it is, I guess it’s cool. I was surprised by how fast I took to some of the songs.

Overall Rating – 4 out of 10

God Of War 3

Developed By: Santa Monica Studio

Playable On: Playstation 3

God of War 3 is an action/adventure platformer that is the final chapter in the story of Kratos, the God of War, who is looking to destroy Olympus and kill the all mighty Zeus.

I LOVE how “M-Rated” this game is. I think I was actually a little shocked at some of the violence and gore that can be found in GoW 3, simply because I don’t think I have ever seen violence portrayed like this in a video game. I don’t know how other players felt, but all the violence made me feel like a badass. Whether I was cutting somebody’s legs off, gouging someone’s eyes out, or ripping somebody’s head off, I was behind Kratos’ actions 100% and took pleasure in it. What made the violence even better was the gameplay that revolved around cinematic gameplay, in which you had to press a button or move a analog stick at a specific time to cause an action, like slicing open a minotaur’s belly to see all of it’s intestines spew out by rotating the left analog stick.

I never thought I would see a three way lesbian set piece in a video game, but there is one in GoW 3, and the mini sex game that ensues is mildly silly the first time played.

I really don’t think the “epicness” that is portrayed in GoW 3 can be described in words and do it justice. There are levels that are giant monsters, in GoW 3’s case, titans, that you are walking on that you have to kill (another thing that made me feel like a badass). I think it is insane that the PS3 possesses the power to create such grand stages that graphically look tremendous and the gameplay and frame rate never drops or lags. I think the game really just has to be played to truly understand the “jaw dropping” factor that GoW 3 contains.

Another faucet of excellent gameplay that can be found in GoW 3 are the puzzles that have to be solved. The puzzles were never frustrating, but they were hard enough to be gratifying after they were solved.

If I had to nit pick, there is really only one thing that I can find wrong about this game and it revolves around the Rage Meter. The Rage Meter is filled by simply killing enemies. After the meter is filled, Kratos can go into Rage mode in which he is stronger and moves faster. The reason I had a problem with it was because to go into Rage mode you have to press in both analog sticks. You move with the left analog stick and I was constantly accidently tapping the right analog stick and going into Rage mode. Rage mode can be a tide turner in a fight if you are surrounded by enemies and/or low on health, but I rarely had it because I would constantly set it off by accident when I didn’t need it.

In most games, after you kill the final boss, the game ends. But not in GoW 3, you get a little more gameplay after the final boss and GoW 3 delivers one of the best endings I have ever seen in a video game. I think GoW 3 is one of the best action/adventure platformer games I have ever played.

10 Out of 10
Trailer for God of War 3:

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Directed By: David Fincher

Starring: Daniel Craig & Rooney Mara

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo tells the story of a journalist, Blomkvist, and a computer hacker, Salander, trying to solve an unsolved 40 year old murder case. They soon unravel a grander murder scheme and corruption within a single family.

Having never read the book or having seen the 2009 Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, my expectations were still high for this movie, simply because it is a David Fincher movie. And in my opinion, Fincher certainly knows how to handle a murder mystery. Fincher also helmed the phenomenal Seven and 2007’s Zodiac.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo starts off with a fantastic credit sequence, one of my favorite credit sequences of 2011. As the credits roll, it looks like a bunch of inkblot tests are fighting while a cover of Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” plays. After the core characters are introduced, I felt like the pace of the movie slows down as we see Blomkvist and Salander interview people and go over tons of photographs as they search for new evidence. But once the revelations are discovered, the film regains an even faster pace with plenty of elaborate set pieces that I thought for sure would be the climax of the film, but the film only continues with even bigger surprises. It was a lot of fun getting to know these characters and who they truly are after new light is shed on the case they are trying to solve and the philosophies some of these characters believe in.

When comparing Girl’s score with the Social Network’s score, because it was the same couple of composers, I was let down. Girl’s score is pale when compared to the Social Network’s. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross certainly deserved the Oscar they won for the Social Network’s score, but I just felt like they were unable to recreate that magic, atmosphere, and tone they set in the Social Network.

I believe Fincher was again able to create an atmosphere that is unsettling and captivating, leaving the viewer guessing until the last reel. I know I am on board with these characters and wherever their exploits take them next.

8 Out Of 10
Trailer for the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:

Hardcore

Directed By: Paul Schrader

Starring: George C. Scott & Peter Boyle

Hardcore tells the story of Jake, a conservative and Christian from Iowa. When his daughter heads to California on a church field trip and doesn’t return, Jake hires a private investigator to find her. The P.I. finds out she is doing hardcore porn films, so Jake sets out to California, with the help of a prostitute named Niki, to find his daughter.

I thought Hardcore had a tremendous premise, but ultimately it just kind of fell flat. Hardcore was not able to capture that dark, gritty, and sleazy side of the porn industry that films like 8MM and Boogie Nights were so able to wonderfully capture.

I also like the idea of a good person that is just trying to do something right, but is pushed to far to some type of extreme, like excessive violence. But we never see Jake reach that point, even though his daughter has been missing for months and he has had to see terrible things to get information about his daughter’s whereabouts.

I felt there was only two highpoints in Hardcore and one came in a scene when Jake is watching his daughter in one of the porn films she has done. I was cringing right along with Jake. The other highpoint came when Jake and Niki are talking about the value of sex. It was interesting to hear their points of view since one is a conservative and the other is a prostitute.

4 Out Of 10:
Trailer For Hardcore:

My Favorite Films of 2011

Unfortunately, I have yet see every film that came out in 2011, so this is just an alphabetical list of films that I saw and really liked that were released in 2011.

- Attack The Block
- Drive
- Fright Night
- Hobo With A Shotgun
- Paul
- Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes
- Scream 4
- Super 8
- Win Win
- X-Men: First Class